Friendship

Friendship

“Friendship is evanescent in every man’s experience, and remembered like heat lightning in past summers. Fair and flitting like a summer cloud;--there is always some vapor in the air, no matter how long the drought; there are even April showers. Surely from time to time, for its vestiges never depart, it floats through our atmosphere. It takes place, like vegetation in so many materials, because there is such a law, but always without permanent form, though ancient and familiar as the sun and moon, and as sure to come again. The heart is forever inexperienced. They silently gather as by magic, these never failing, never quite deceiving visions, like the bright and fleecy clouds in the calmest and clearest days. The Friend is some fair floating isle of palms eluding the mariner in Pacific seas. Many are the dangers to be encountered, equinoctial gales and coral reefs, ere he may sail before the constant trades. But who would not sail through mutiny and storm, even over Atlantic waves, to reach the fabulous retreating shores of some continent man?”

--Henry Thoreau

As I read Thoreau’s essay Friendship this morning, I found delight in the smell of the old green book printed in 1921 by Little Leather Library. I pondered over Thoreau’s words and reminisced over certain friendships in my life that were once strong and clear but seem to have changed like fair and flitting summer clouds, and in some cases, even evaporated, and now seem like magical dreams, or “like heat lightning in past summers”. I found myself feeling nostalgic for people that are no longer present in my life, at least in the way they once were, but found solace in thinking about how the vestiges of these friendships never fully depart from us, but continue to float “through our atmosphere”, forever adding “vapor in the air, no matter how long the drought.” My heart swelled as I thought of friendships that are dear to me, and presently appear as “bright and fleecy clouds in the calmest and clearest days” and give me much comfort, joy, love, sense of identity and meaning. These friendships are of great importance to me, yet Thoreau tells us that friendships are, like the clouds, without permanent form. The evanescence of friendship is part of its beauty: we are all constantly changing and so must the friendships that we engage in so we can keep seeing, understanding, and being a part of the world, while finding meaning in it.

However, if “the Friend is some fair floating isle of palms eluding the mariner in Pacific seas”, then it is also “ancient and familiar as the sun and moon, and as sure to come again”. While in my home-state of Minnesota for the holidays, I had breakfast with an old friend that I had not seen in over ten years. It was truly wonderful to reconnect with her. It only made me sad to think of why we had somehow, along the way on our busy paths, lost touch with one another. I felt both joyful and surprised by the ease with which we both sat and talked for hours, as if those ten years had not passed. We had grown into women during that time; suffered heartbreaks; lost innocence; gained wisdom; discovered limitations and strengths; grown into more complex human beings—yet we were able to pick up where we left off and at the same time we were able to meet each other where we were presently. It felt like a good dream to be seeing and talking with a person I had not seen in over ten years, but still, somehow, knew so well. I know this is a rare thing—to be able to reconnect with someone in this way after so much time has passed. I feel lucky to have experienced this reconnection, as well as fortunate to have so many good people in my life that I love as I write this. I also feel blessed for the people that have been in my life ephemerally and now live in my memory and dreams and will forever be a part of who I am and who I become. Since the New Year began, I have been struck by the beauty in all of the different kinds of friendships we are able to experience in our lifetimes, and the way these friendships ebb and flow, change and grow, converge at various moments in our lives, and teach us incredible things. What precious gifts these friendships are, and shall remain to me, whether they be in ebb or flow. “For there is always some vapor in the air, no matter how long the drought; there are even April showers.”